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Keywords:

• (212)I only drink at bars with bathrooms

Comment: big enough to have sex in.

Keywords:

• (269) This bird just went for my eyes.

Comment: Does he think I'm dead???

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Keywords:

• (312) I remember going home with 2 girls

Comment: Woke up with 4.

Keywords:

• (440) Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and

Comment: wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad

Keywords:

• (510)Im never going out with the ashleys

Comment: again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.

Keywords:

• (519) Just watched a middle age woman

Comment: scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.

Keywords:

• (530)So how do you explain to your boss

Comment: that Siri called him mid sex?

Keywords:

• (586) In order to save time dignity and

Comment: liver damage, wanna get naked?

Keywords:

• (604) I can't believe you won 5 grand

Comment: from the casino last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already

Keywords:

• (614)We're making a scrapbook of dick

Comment: pics, you want in or what?

Keywords:

• (630) Are you in a good mood because I

Comment: stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?

Keywords:

• (631) Oh like it's the first time I've

Comment: had a bowl of wine

Keywords:

• (705) I guess I made wings cause theres

Comment: chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.

Keywords:

• (757) the quiet that you are hearing is

Comment: silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself

Keywords:

• (847)You texted me "butt stuff" 53 times

Comment: in a four hour period last night.